• A solid second draft – but not at the top of level 4 which is where we want to be!
• Intro needs work – too long, too many quotes.
• Key issue is focus on the question – bias needs to be discussed in every paragraph, too often it feels like an afterthought.
• Written English is better but still not nearly accurate enough for A2 – look for random capital letters, long clumsy sentences etc.
• Introducing quotes/crediting theorists is still an area to look at; same for topic sentences.
• You definitely need to cut the essay down a little – too long. I’ve suggested a couple of areas to cut.
• Still lacking media theory and research. I said this in your original feedback: a great bibliography but it doesn’t really come through in the essay itself. Theories on media bias? Gerbner’s cultivation theory (media effects)?
• I’d like to see more on narrative – the fact bias is a result of packaging information to maintain an audience’s interest. You mention it but I’d make so much more of this.
• Similarly, surely you need to bring in Marxism and Pluralism? Hegemony? Particularly the negative representation of the police – that is interesting and worthy of more discussion than you give it.
• Copy and paste this feedback into a new blogpost on your MEST4 coursework blog called ‘Critical Investigation tutorial – second draft’.
• Your immediate priority needs to be the Linked Production: this is worth 32 marks.
• When you have a Linked Production in draft form, return to this essay with fresh eyes and look to make three or four key improvements before submitting the final draft.
• Your final deadline is immediately after the Easter holiday: Wednesday 19 April.
• Intro needs work – too long, too many quotes.
• Key issue is focus on the question – bias needs to be discussed in every paragraph, too often it feels like an afterthought.
• Written English is better but still not nearly accurate enough for A2 – look for random capital letters, long clumsy sentences etc.
• Introducing quotes/crediting theorists is still an area to look at; same for topic sentences.
• You definitely need to cut the essay down a little – too long. I’ve suggested a couple of areas to cut.
• Still lacking media theory and research. I said this in your original feedback: a great bibliography but it doesn’t really come through in the essay itself. Theories on media bias? Gerbner’s cultivation theory (media effects)?
• I’d like to see more on narrative – the fact bias is a result of packaging information to maintain an audience’s interest. You mention it but I’d make so much more of this.
• Similarly, surely you need to bring in Marxism and Pluralism? Hegemony? Particularly the negative representation of the police – that is interesting and worthy of more discussion than you give it.
• Copy and paste this feedback into a new blogpost on your MEST4 coursework blog called ‘Critical Investigation tutorial – second draft’.
• Your immediate priority needs to be the Linked Production: this is worth 32 marks.
• When you have a Linked Production in draft form, return to this essay with fresh eyes and look to make three or four key improvements before submitting the final draft.
• Your final deadline is immediately after the Easter holiday: Wednesday 19 April.
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